Accessing Support
PMDD and PME don’t just affect the person experiencing them. They also impact the people closest to them: partners, children, and family. Understanding how these conditions affect relationships and how to talk about them can make daily life easier.
PMDD and Relationships
Research shows that PMDD can put real strain on relationships:
77% of people with PMDD report challenges with family relationships.
90% of partners say PMDD seriously affects their connection.
76–85% of partners report that PMDD affects their own mental health.
PMDD can make it harder to communicate, maintain emotional closeness, and stay connected during the worst days. Even when love is strong, these patterns can create tension and frustration.
PME and Relationships
Premenstrual Exacerbation (PME) happens when an existing condition—like depression, anxiety, or another mental health issue—gets worse before a period. Unlike PMDD, it doesn’t create new symptoms.
There is little research on how PME affects relationships directly. We do know that worsening symptoms can make interactions more stressful and confusing for partners and family. The strategies that help with PMDD—like tracking symptoms, planning ahead, and open communication—can also help with PME.
Talking to a Partner
Clear, honest communication is key:
Pick a time when you’re feeling steady, not during your symptomatic phase.
Describe what it feels like, not just what you do.
Let them know what support you need: space, quiet, or help with tasks.
Invite questions. Be honest if you don’t have all the answers.
Resources like “Hope” by Aaron Kinghorn can help partners understand PMDD and offer guidance.
Talking to Children
Children notice mood and energy changes. Honest, age-appropriate explanations help them feel safe:
Preschoolers: Keep it simple. “Mommy is tired and sad right now. I just need to rest.”
School-age children: Answer questions directly. “Sometimes I feel upset and sleepy before my period. I’m getting help and will be okay.”
Teenagers: Invite conversation. “I know I haven’t seemed like myself. How has this affected you? What questions do you have?”
Focus on your strengths as well as the challenges. This models self-care and helps normalize mental health discussions.
-
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country’s foremost relationship expert (Revised ed.). Harmony.
Gottman, J. M., Schwartz Gottman, J., & Abrams, D. (2024). Fight right: How successful couples turn conflict into connection. Harmony.
Gottman, J. M., Gottman, J. S., & Abrams, D. (2017). The relationship cure: A five-step guide to strengthening your marriage, family, and friendships. Harmony.